The Retired One Speaks
just got back from fagging downstaris at the Mr.Bean. the indian shopkeeper downstairs is an environmental fanatic. when i was going to pay fo my smokes he was in the middle of a debate about plastic bags with some melayu fella. he says we shouldn't be using plastic because it's bad for the environment. we should be using paper or cloth. says the indians have been using cloth bags fo their purchases and the malays banana leaves. i was snickering while i waited for the melayu fella to end his monologue on why plastics gives off smoke. good ol mama shop. what will we do without them? it's like our equivalent to those babershops in harlem (or wherever you ghetto-soul-food people live).

tory treseder shouldn't be doing the daily bread music reviews. he actually thinks rooney rocks. sheesh. rooney leh? ROO-FUCKING-NEY! and he calls them an "indie band". it's like calling avril the next punk messiah. -shudder- for the uninitiated tory treseder is a pro aggro skater. he's from the generation after brian shima and the rest of the ol skools. so i dunno who tory rides for. coz i've retired long ago and i don't keep up the latest any mo. so sad. though, he's cute. got a risque mouth, the kind i like!

i'm nervous, nervous, nervous gotta plan
the lesbians are hot these days. all through the weekend, i've been coming across lesbians i won't mind going crooked for. there was one in particular. i saw her in front of the 7/11 at Taka. fwahlamak! she has the poutest, raspberry smackers i've ever seen around these parts. da, you interested? we could go head-hunting this weekend. heh heh heh. she looks like the kind who'll listen to yo obscure bands. and trust me, when i say she's hot, SHE'S HOT! not like yo hot-peter-pan-girl ok? we could even check out my ol secondary school mate at heeren, the one who i've just found out is not straight. but i think she got girlfriend already. naz thinks she's one hottie. she looks andro a la shirley manson. with the same haircut only jet black. come ar da, we get you a girlfriend before the year ends. won't it be a nice birthday present to yoself?

if it so happens that i can't find anyone to marry in 5yrs time (which is very likely), i want to marry indon. so my kids can have nice last name. i've been thinking about the name sawarni. i used to know a guy with that name but he didn't look like a 'sawarni'. but it don't matter. i'm gonna go fo herman if it's a boy, maya for a girl and indra for another boy. so it'll be like herman sawarni, maya sawarni, indra sawarni. damn funkoz. and you know what will be really really really be-feeling-feeling-ly funkozmatic? if instead of sawarni, it's casablancas (julian i wanna be yo yoko ono!). herman casablancas, maya casablancas, indra casablancas. alamak best! and me, of coz lar, harm casablancas.

i think must go and tell momma i want to marry indon. she can prolly hook me up with one of her friends' relatives or something. i don't want her marrying me off to some white collar job turd she met through one of her ex-tigress colleagues. eeeee... if god is kind, i'm not going to be married off to a local. i'll even settle fo a malaysian fo that matter. just don't gimme a local.