I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so

times like these, i wished Rai was still alive. all i'd have to do is just scoot over to his place and use his comp and weather his crappy morning jokes. but Rai's dead and today i was in the bus on the way to school thinking about him and his stupid malboro shitting joke and i wanted to cry. me and null were supposed to visit his grave during raye but we never got round to it. it hasn't even been a year and still that Drown song gets to me. because it was on my stereo when i got the news about his death that friday morning. i found out only recently that he would have turned 21 four days ago. saddening and maddening, man. Rai would have understand my predicament best because he was the maestro of disappearing acts. he'd just stay home or roam around by himself, not picking up calls and not meeting people. when he comes back, he'd tell me he was sick of his friends. i AM sick of my friends. not school friends, the closest few. i'm sick of each and everyone of them and i actually can't wait until my cell cancels out at the end of this month because then nobody will know where i am. Rai's death just make so many things seem insignificant now. hah, i'm starting to wear more black clothes. me who previously hated the colour. if he had been alive he would have set off on his south east asian trip already. maybe he'd be in bandung right now or something. haiyah. so many dreams and all that planning -unfulfilled.

on to other cheery stuff: BKM's back! and the usual suspects were called down to Bournemouth to do a lil bit of catching up. with rasp v. gawd i don't know who brought that thing. but it was great. and a relief. smoke some, eat some, bitch and drink LOADS. she brought back Fingers Crossed for me. of course i had to be a real tart and brag about it to jamil. and today we might be going out again. yay! heading down to see LT's show and celebrate Lemz's birthday. turning 21 also, that one. oh yes, recently i'm OD-ing on Strokes bootlegs (recorded from a recent gig). now i am really really excited about that album. vision of division is a testament to skinny fucks who can still goreng guitar like demented violinists on speed despite the camerawhore tendencies.