When Everything Doesn't Seem All That Funny Anymore

"Every now and then comes a time when the neutral and impersonal forces of the world turn and come together in a thundercrack of judgement"
~Sylvia Plath, Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams

i wish my 1st language was Malay.
i wish i was everything my momma hoped me to be.
i wish i was soft spoken and i knew my place.
i wish i know what to say when i'm in the company of older women.
i wish i had bother to learn how to cook and entertain guests.
but above all i wish i had come sooner the minute i got wind of her having the cancer.
i think i have never felt so helpless in my life, to see someone knowing her time is going to be up soon. someone who hasn't even seen her 40s yet.
i don't know what to think.
they say she's lucky because so many of us showed up this morning, so many prayers.
but it's not a pretty sight to see your once animated, robust aunt reduce to a bed ridden, barely verbal, skeletal version of her former self. there's alot of her in my early childhood memories and i was thinking about those the whole time i was at her place. the torrential weeping was inevitable, lemme tell y'all that.

Longwave -Next Plateau because i've got nothing else to say.