THE DIRE NEED

when you are chockful of shit
when you are left with feeling dejected
when you don't know how to straighten yourself out
when you feel you're losing your friends
when you know you don't know any of them any more
when you wish it will all get sucked into the abyss
when you start denying what's in front of you
when you procastinate good behaviour
when you know you can't care enough
when you wish the person who died could come back to life
when you kick yourself because you cannot adapt
when you walk on with heavy shoulders
when you are constantly reminded you are never going to be good enough
when you don't look over your shoulder for a last look
when you feel like taking a piss out of life

breathe, darling, breathe.