Can you skank to Vampire Weekend
That is the question.

Q: Y'all know who's Ron Jeremy?

Dubious looks all around. Finally, a shrug.

Q: You guys don't know who's Ron Jeremy? Every guy knows who's Ron Jeremy.

Yeah, dude because you know why? Girls don't watch porn like it's Grey's Anatomy.

Q: I mean who the hell smiles while they masturbate?

I think that was the point when I knew the conversation between the superior and his subordinates took an uncomfortable turn. The kind of catty remarks I could've make but didn't... God.

There's this dude who always comes in and insists on conversing with me. Today, he talked to me about the three wise men, frogs in the Nile and Hang Tuah/Hang Jebat. Should have been a professor. He had me convinced that I'll get bombed at a bazaar in Cairo.

And what the hell did Danger Mouse do to the Black Keys? Where has that raspy voice I save only for rainy days under a blanket gone to? Where is it on this new album? Where goddammit?!